Mommyhood

Elijah at 1 years old

It's been a year now since I gave birth. I cannot believe how time flies. This year has probably been the most challenging year of my life, settling in to becoming a mother for the first time. Being far from family has meant pretty much doing everything by myself which compounded everything. Was it easy? No. I felt like I was on the verge of my sanity sometimes from the stress of holding everything together. I often wished I had more help but to be honest, I've become batter as a result of it. It's funny how we grow stronger from the most difficult times in life. It forces one out of complacency to do all that is necessary. There isn't any time to laze around and think. Sometimes, having no time IS the best time. It makes us truly prioritize, trimming out the unnecessary things in life and move ahead. 

Losing identity

My Aunt-in-law, Bambi who dropped in from California asked me today, "So how does it feel to be a mom?" It was such a wide ranging question that I had to hesitate to think. Where do I start??? But before I could answer, she looked me right in the eye and said, "It makes you lose your identity, doesn't it?" BULLS EYE. She hit the nail right on the head. There's no other way to say it. Gone are the days I had the luxury of making myself a cup of hot chocolate with a hint of peppermint essence (just the way I like it) sit in my favorite spot, pull out a book and have a great read, without any interruption; or take a long hot shower; or browse at a store for hours, or have a movie night at a whim...just to name a few. These days, everything is timed to Eli's eating, sleeping and bath times. An entire day whizzes past me and all I remember doing was feeding, cleaning, bathing, playing with, entertaining, reading and finally nursing my little chipmunk to sleep. In addition to all that, I had to find enough energy to still spend quality time with the hubby. By 8pm, I am happy to slump on the couch and snore myself to sleep! Where's that hot mama with the sultry make up, punching the hours at work, hooking up with the girlfriends for a late night drink at the local Irish bar? I'm not sure. I'm sure she's still there...somewhere... My question is, how do women not lose their identity when we turn the corner from being 'hot wifey' to 'cuddly mommy'?!