Chicken Soup

I've been reading this book my sister-in-law, Selina bought me called "Chicken Soup for the Expectant Mother's Soul". It's truly been a blessing. Each story seemed to have been written just for someone like me - someone who's going through all the ups and downs of pregnancy, missing the life I used to have yet excited about the new life I'm entering into, frustrated about feeling exhausted all the time yet amused each time I feel my baby kick within my belly, exasperated about not being able to reach my toes anymore yet loving it everytime Elton helps me wear my socks, and nervous about parenting for the very first time, hoping I don't screw up too much yet somehow knowing deep inside that this baby is the missing piece in my life. I groan about the tribulations of pregnancy some days but then I'm reminded of the millions of expecting mothers out there in the world going through the same thing and I feel privileged and blessed again. As with any woman about to be a mother for the very first time, it's a pot of mixed feelings. 
This story I read today by Gayle Sorensen Stringer that really touched me heart: 
                In my previous life, before I was reincarnated as a mother of three, I wore clothes that fit and matched.  wore makeup and curled my hair every day. I had my eyebrows waxed and my nails done. But no one gave me graham cracker kisses. No one every told me how pretty I look in sweats.
                In my previous life, I read Time magazine and the newspaper. My repartee of regular television viewing transcended Arthur and The Magic School Bus, and I devoured all the bestselling novels. But on one asked me to read The Velveteen Rabbit at bedtime. No one ever requested The Little Engine that Could.
                 In my previous life, I had a career and friends who were more than three feet tall. People asked for my opinions and entrusted me with important projects and confidential information. I had conversations where not once was mentioned snacks or potties or play dates. But no one asked me my favorite color or why the sky is so blue. No one ever wanted me to sing.
                 In my previous life, I had a life. I frequented aerobics classes, restaurants and the theatre. I hosted parties where the themes had nothing to do with Star Wars or Winnie-the-Pooh. I shopped for myself and slept late on weekends. But no one made me Valentine cards. No one ever gave me dandelion bouquets.
                 In my previous life, I traveled, and my destinations did not hinge on theme parks or swimming pools or nap schedules. The Mayan ruins of the Yucatan, snorkeling in the Caribbean, museum hopping in Italy, Kabuki Theater in Japan...these were my playgrounds. I was the queen of the road and my destiny. But no one asked me to push the swing higher. No one ever invited me to splash in puddles or roll in the snow.
                 In my previous life, I held my emotions in check. I did not stomp my feet or grit my teeth. I could not easily be diminished to tears or tirades. I considered my demeanor as laid-back and easygoing. But no one made me care enough to cry. No one ever just loved me, anyway.
                 In my previous life, I was free. I could carve my own path and follow my dreams. Nothing stood in my way. But the path was unsure and the vision blurred. No one ever gave me purpose enough to soar, Now, I endlessly rearrange piles of laundry, crumbs and toys. I am pulled and tugged, hassled and harassed, stepped on and sat upon, and desperate for some solitude. I am jean-clad and juice-stained, bleary-eyed and graying, underpaid and overwhelmed. And sometimes I wonder who I am and what I've become. Then, one of my children shouts, "Mommy, I need you!" and it is perfectly clear.
                I am the center of the Universe. I am MOM.

Ultrasound again

We went for our second ultrasound today. It was amazing to see the baby so well formed already at only 5 months of age. I was amazed by how much it moves or perhaps my baby is extremely fidgety!  It was turning on it's side, to the front and moving its hands around constantly every second! One moment, the hand was on the neck, then it moved above the head, then to the face. Couldn't believe all the fingers were formed already and all the limbs look so strong. At one point, it was kicking its leg like it was throwing a tantrum. I wish I could feel it moving but I still can't feel a single thing at this point. The nurse said some mothers don't feel anything until the 7th month. Can't wait for it to get bigger so I can feel it!

Click on the play button to see the baby's heartbeat

Click on the play button to see the video of the baby sucking its thumb

Click on the play button to see the baby breathing

sucking on its thumb

This is a 3D rendition of the baby at 6oz and 8in(20cm) long. Contrary to popular belief the long object at the bottom is the umbilical cord and not something else...

It already has facial features and we got this picture when it opened its mouth for a moment

Amniocentesis

                Amniocentesis is a procedure that allows a pregnant mother to be tested for certain kinds of child birth defects. Every human is born with 46 chromosomes which make up their DNA. 23 from the father and 23 from the mother. However, when babies are born with more or less chromosomes, it suffers from a certain genetic defect as a result of the chromosome abnormality. One of these is down syndrome. Women above the age of 35 are encouraged to get 'Amnio's. Basically, they stuck a needle into my belly, into the placenta's water pouch where the baby is and extracted one ounce (two tablespoons) of liquid. That liquid contains samples of the baby's skin which contains DNA information on the baby. That's what get's tested. The results come within one to ten days. The ultrasound is on while it's being done to make sure the baby doesn't get poked with the needle. It felt like a sharp ant bite when the needle went in but besides that, it wasn't really painful and didn't take more than one minute.
                I asked the doctor today if Amnios are commonly requested by patients. He said no. Then he told me something interesting. He said his patients on the east coast (eg. New York) are very adamant about doing Amnios but the further west of the USA, the more people don't care to do Amnios and are more apt to 'go with the flow'. And Hawaii is very much on the west of the country and are even more laid back. If the baby is known to have a birth defect, they would deal with it when it was born, since it would most likely just add mental stress to a situation they cannot change. I also learnt that the latest time an abortion can be conducted is in the 22nd month in Hawaii. Every state is different.
                He said there was an instance when a couple chose to do an Amnio and found out that the baby would not survive long after birth. The baby in fact only lived for six hours before dying. The family were prepared for it and were grateful for the precious few hours to spend with the baby. Another family chose not to know. When their baby died soon after birth, they were angry because they did not expect to have so little time and felt cheated. Sometimes in life, the biggest question we will have to ask ourselves is, "To know or not to know?".

Maternity Tour

We went for a Maternity Tour at Kapiolani Hospital today. It's the best maternity hospital in the Pacific so I'm feeling pretty well taken care of. It was nice to be brought to one of the delivery rooms as well as a recovery room where the mother and newborn are kept under surveillance for 48 hours before discharge. It was nice to see a couple newborns too though I couldn't take pictures. Couldn't believe how big they are when just born! Cool to see all the machinery to monitor contractions, heartbeats, labor conditions. It's amazing how high tech things are nowadays. 

The delivery room with the adjustable chair for sitting or squatting for labor

Baby cleaning area within the same delivery room 

First Trimester

In the past, I've been clueless about pregnancies. The more I read about pregnancy, the more I realize the process of a woman going through pregnancy is a pure miracle. It's just incomprehensible the amount of changes the woman's body goes through in order to become a natural incubator for another human being. It's like the biggest construction project going on within a human. 


Up to 60% of the human body is made up of water. When pregnant, the body needs to contain 30% more water! It also has to to build all the tissues necessary for the baby as well as the placenta, water sac and food to hold, protect and sustain the baby.


I've also realized from talking to other more experienced mothers around me is that every woman experiences a different pregnancy. Some are better, some not so pleasant. But one thing I don't understand is how every woman agrees that as soon as the baby is born, the joy is so overwhelming that something extraordinary occurs. They forget all the discomforts and inconveniences of the pregnancy, including the pain of childbirth. It's like nature's way of moving on and miraculously forgetting the less important things in life and focusing on the biggest miracle of life. I find myself asking girl friends if they disliked being pregnant and they would say no but once I asked describing a specific discomfort, they respond, "Oh yeah, now that you mentioned it, yes I did. But it will go away. When the baby is born you'll forget everything that happened those 10 months". Call me a skeptic but I don't understand it and I don't really believe it. I guess I'll find out soon..


I've just completed the last day of my first trimester and let me tell you, I am GLAD it's over.  I'm so over the nausea, dizziness, feeling bloated, metallic taste on my tongue, hot and cold flashes, insomnia and worst of all, the craziest mood swings. Apparently, the second trimester is when the body is the most 'normal'. It's such a luxury to be able to sleep through the night instead of waking up at 3am or 4am and not be able to sleep again though I'm tired. It's so nice not to feel like I need a 2 to 3 hour nap every 2 hours. I'm not much of a muncher so I'm relieved that I'm no longer having the craving to munch on some food every hour. On the flip side, my breasts ache from the constant blooming and my libido is skyrocketing, much to Elton's delight. I guess it's nature's way of balancing out the pros and cons between husbands and wives while going through this traumatic change.  

First Trimester woes

This was a very hormonal week for me. Since my pregnancy, I'm doing better on some days, some are not. It reminded me of my 6th week of pregnancy. I'd never been so hormonal in my life. I was extremely exhausted. Had to sleep often through the day. My appetite was insatiable. I couldn't seem to eat enough of anything and yet i feel nauseated almost constantly. My emotions are also all over the place. One moment I feel so happy and in love but the next moment, something really trivial could trigger the worst temper within me. Added to that, I experienced dizziness, headache, my face felt puffy and my tummy felt bloated. Also, there was this odd metallic taste on my tongue which I had to keep washing down with water and for some reason, couldn't really taste much when I ate. But the worst thing was the emotional swings. I couldn't understand what was happening to me! It didn't help that a friend confessed to me that she felt like scheming to kill her husband a couple times during her pregnancy! I know now why people say that couples should be strongly rooted in love before wanting to have kids or it can tear people apart.


I am looking forward to being in my second trimester when the female body is supposedly the most stable and all pregnancy symptoms miraculously disappear for most women.

Role models

Uncle Ben and Rainey

Since my pregnancy, I've begun pondering on the importance of setting a good example for my child and it dawned upon me how important it is to grow up being around positive role models. Somehow, life has a funny way of teaching us things. Often, the biggest lessons we  remember are not from what is directly taught to us. Rather we learn quickest quietly watching from the background when people are not consciously teaching. Parenting in my opinion, is the hardest task ever handed to any adult on their personal achievement list. I can think of ten times more adults whom I think should not have been parents than ones I think turned out to be great ones. I'm not discrediting the fact that people do try their best but I personally believe that some people naturally have the right personalities to be parents and some just don't. Nobody's ever ready to be parents. But it's worth seriously considering what it entails before deciding to become one. 


Unfortunately, I can honestly say that while growing up, positive role models were the exception rather than the rule. Somehow, all I remember seeing and hearing were a lot of male promiscuity, screaming, wives crying, messed up marriages and overbearing chinese parents who constantly measured their children's worth by pegging them against other (usually) smarter children. (Dumber kids are never used as an objective IQ assessment since it would defeat the purpose of perpetuating over-achieving attitudes in one's child). Perhaps it's a chinese thing to be over-achiever parents who liberally dish out back handed encouragement via criticisms. I cannot recount the number of times me mother yelled at me, "I do all this for you and what do you give me in return? Nothing! You're useless!" I was never praised for doing something well because there was none to compare to! Since no other kid excelled at what I did well, in her eyes I was a plain failure of a child! My mother was by no means a bad mother but believe you me, there was a lot of room for improvement especially with encouragement and fostering self esteem in a rebellious, spirited, fiercely independent child.  


Then I thought of my Uncle Ben. I have deep seated memories of conversations with him during my teens. They were few and far in between but enough for me to realize he was different.  As an executive in the music industry, he hung with some pretty colorful characters and was one helluva cool cat! He was one of those guys who I seemed to know how to play the game but had the sense to know when to draw the line. He was quick witted and always had a punch line for anything thrown his way so I found him quite intimidating but intriguing. I kept my ears peeled around him, constantly waiting for his smart one-liners. And he never disappointed. When I was 19, we had what I would like to call our first adult 'man-to-woman' talk. He looked at me straight in the eye, treating me like an adult and said, "Sandra, always remember that you can negotiate anything. In fact, you should negotiate everything, even when they say no. Never forget that." Then proceeded to enter into a 30 minute debate with me, rebutting every protest and excuse I made before finally shutting me up with a best seller to take home as reading material. It would be the last serious talk we'd ever have. He gave me homework! But I was inspired. Deep inside, he garnered authority and my respect. There was a wisdom about him that resonated with my spirit. He seems like one who walked the walk and talked the talk. I felt like he was an older figure that I could depend on to give me advice if I ever needed them in the future. Sadly, that opportunity never came. Uncle Ben succumbed to cancer a few months later. I was so devastated that I couldn't even bring myself to go his funeral. I wanted to remember him the way I last saw him - alive and kicking, the fighter that he was. A few years ago, while visiting with my Aunt Lorraine and Sally, I learnt a few more things about my Uncle Ben that made me wish I was given even more time to know him as an adult. 


Aunt Lorraine, whom I endearingly call Rainey told me how he'd been a man of character even way back as a college kid. When times were rough, he would borrow money from close friends promising to pay them back. By hook or by crook, he always kept his word and repaid every penny, even if they refused to accept it. After they were married, she told me how he would always make an effort to keep in touch with his friends no matter what. So he would call his friends up and say, "Hey you wanna hear a joke?" and proceeded to make them laugh. It tickled me to think that he knew the power of laughter and exercised it liberally. My Aunt Sally told me how he was always meddling in his sibling's business...in a way a protective elder brother would...in the way you always wanted one to. He always made it a point to call each of his seven siblings ever so often to ask how they were doing. And if she said that everything was alright, he would ask again, telling her to be truthful with him. He really really cared. If I am able to replay and apply all the memories I have of my Uncle Ben with my own child, I would have reason to be proud parent. One who knows how to be funny, humorous, ever-present, a leader by example, a strict disciplinarian yet overflowing with love.

Sympathy weight

They say there's such a thing as sympathy weight that some husbands gain in sympathy for their wives when they're pregnant. Elton is one such person. It's funny but endearing. It melts my heart seeing him grow a little bulge on his belly or break out in pimples every once in a while. Today, he made a typical Taiwanese dish for the first time - pig's feet stew. Its a signature dish in chinese cuisine even among the cantonese and is essentially pig trotters simmered for hours. At first, I was a little disgusted at the thought of eating pigs feet but he said it's apparently rich in gelatin, calcium, protein and collagen especially for pregnant and nursing mothers to maintain strength, flexibility of skin and assist in milk production. I was convinced enough to try a little. One bite and I was hooked! I couldn't stop! I was the tastiest stew I'd ever eaten. I dug in with both hands, gorging on it like a ravenous wolf. I guess he not only satisfied his own craving for meat, I did too. Sigh...the crazy things preggies do!

Ultrasound

I was more nervous than excited about the ultrasound appointment for some reason I cannot explain even to this day. Perhaps it still hadn't really settled in my head that I was pregnant. Elton was obviously excited and later confessed to me that he had secretly hoped we had twins. But nothing prepared me for the experience of meeting my baby for the very first time. As soon as it came up on screen, I squealed in delight. I couldn't stop! It was so overwhelming that my doctor had to shush me up! Elton's reaction was somewhat cuter. Once he saw the baby, he grabbed my hand like a little boy and inched his face towards me. I turned to him and the sight was endearing. His face glowed with a Cheshire cat's grin like he just got his favorite Christmas present. He continued to squeeze my finger as the doctor scanned my uterus to show that there was indeed only one child and not twins. I suppose it would have been nice to kill two birds with one stone, getting two kids instead of one since we're older and time isn't on our side but still, seeing this one kid was overwhelming. I think it was the first time I truly realized that I was going to be the mother. And I was so grateful for our child, such a beautiful miracle. I couldn't believe it was living in my belly. When we were alone, Elton stared at the printed scan of our baby and said, "It's a cutie". In my heart, I wondered how would he know? All we've seen is a scan of a tiny peanut sized fetus sitting in my belly with a heart beat of 172 beats per second! Yet he said it so confidently, flowing so naturally from him mouth without a single trace of doubt, that all I could do was wrap my arms around him and say, "He is, isn't he?". Eventhough we didn't know its sex, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that we now cannot wait to hold it in our arms. For us, it'll be the cutest baby in the world, though we both know it'll come out like all babies - a big ugly ball of wrinkles, it'll be the cutest, most gorgeous baby we'll have ever seen. Hopefully we won't be so vain but probably borderline...

Pregnant

Today, Elton and I confirmed we were going to have our very first child. The two hour long doctor's visit was comforting but one thing that echoed in my head was the doctor telling me that getting pregnant at this age was itself a miracle. Honestly, I've never craved to be a mother like many of my female friends who had craved for marriage and children since their early 20s. Actually, I had so many issues with my mother during my childhood that I was terrified of it. Worried that I would turn into my own mother with my children, it haunted me for many years. When people asked me, I'd say that I just didn't feel a personal need to contribute to the worldwide crisis of over-population. It made people laugh but more importantly, they stopped asking. Afterall, it was a valid reason. 


I'd kept the news to myself for the last two weeks, only confiding in a handful of close friends who congratulated me, telling me how blessed I am to have such an amazing miracle at my age. I am after all, almost fourty. I'm lucky to have any fertile eggs left for the past ten years! Added to that cynicism was the fact that I have been surrounded by family as well as close friends who have had a hard time conceiving for years. Some have been trying unsuccessfully for decades! I worried that I was too old to carry a child, among many other fears. It's funny that something that should bring so much joy to me, in fact, brought me the most trepidation. At least for the first two weeks. the worst thing was reading the pregnancy books I had bought to educate myself for the task at hand. Instead of the increased awareness making me celebrate my pregnancy, all they talked about were pains and discomfort I would soon feel, diseases that I should be aware of, complications that may develop, mood swings and bleeding. I might as well have watched Salem's Lot ( which gave me nightmares for years when I was 12!), then read the top 10 horror books ever published. Thankfully, I have a wonderful friend who redirected my anxiety. She sent me a book that made me thankful for this miracle. I felt humbled to be given this privilege and it filled me with immense comfort, joy, hope and gratefulness. They say miracles happen every day. For me, this was one of them.


The biggest surprise however, was sharing the news with my parents and family members. Now I finally understand the term, 'bundle of joy'. It amazes me how the news of a little one, the addition of another member to the family clan who isn't even born yet, can invoke such joy and excitement among family members. It's a simply marvelous to see other family members share and take pride in someone whom they haven't even met! It's a bond that is as thick as blood. I have a funny feeling this is just the beginning of many miracles to come. No doubt in my mind that it's just the start of a lot of big changes...and challenges. Hopefully, we'll both rise to the occasion.