Pre-marriage Class

A woman signed up for this class. A few days later, her fiance called the class instructor to cancel. He said, "I'm in my 50s and was married before so I've been there, done that. I've danced the dance and I don't think I will get anything out of this class so we're backing out."  I've just started going to a pre-marriage class with Elton. To be brutally honest, I've always been skeptical about these classes in the past. Everytime I heard a friend talking about it, I kind of just rolled my eyes and thought, "Oh boy, another silly recommendation by a church." But this time, call it curiosity, age or perhaps just being tired of going through too many failed relationships, I figured it couldn't hurt. Elton's openness to go actually generated more interest to endure it for the next eight weeks. Since we've started, I've realized how wrong I was with my skepticism. Each week of self-analysis has opened up discussions on how important communication is between 'life partners'. We have weekly readings as homework and even exercises to complete, prompting us to answer brutally honest questions about ourselves. I've often been surprised to learn things about myself in these introspective moments.  As much as we dread putting aside approximately an hour a week to do our homework and complete exercises, these personal discussions have become the most intimate moments we've shared, opening ourselves up in a way we probably would never broach, either out of shyness or just pure lack of time. It's shown me that no matter how right someone feels about something, it doesn't warrant being self-righteous and putting his/her partner down with hurtful words, dismissing their opinion or disrespecting the person overly or even subtly, which can often hurt even more. I'm learning how crucial it is for marriage to last in the long run, to consciously choose to respect my partner as an individual with their own thoughts and reasons for their actions and to realize that we are partners in reaching an understanding that we can both live with in the long run. 


We invest so much on all kinds of classes and celebrate passing exams and yet, we take this 'know-it-all' stance on marriage classes, when we cannot even agree on a universal definition of what 'Love' is! The fact is, we are individuals who are constantly changing. Nothing in life stays the same. Why should we think that we humans are any different. Life's circumstances, people we meet, things we see and hear, the birth of children, added responsibilities and pressures - all affect us, slowly changing our opinions, ideas, motivations, feelings and assumptions as we grow. Often times, these elements cause two individuals to grow apart.  I've discovered that some people take weekend marriage refresher classes every every once a year or couple years. Sounds like a good idea to me. Allows us to step back, refocus on each other, reassess our goals, priorities and get re-aligned with each other's feelings and direction in life. Because if not, marriage can be a very lonely and hurtful place. We can't create a perfect marriage but we can have a better marriage, if we have the courage to change....