First Veggie Harvest

Our Choy sum and mustard cabbage were ripe for harvest today. Finally, after a month of watering them, we were so excited we could cook and eat them! There is nothing more delicious and satisfying than eating fresh organic vegetables from your own garden.

Choy sum, bokchoy and other veggies in full bloom

Bok Choy almost ready to be harvested

6 stalks of Choy sum going into the wok

6 stalks of Choy sum

our gigantic Mustard cabbage

Choy sum cooked in garlic and oyster sauce

Forgiveness

The message at church today was about forgiveness. It brought back a lot of memories listening to this sermon. Throughout my late teens and 20-something years, I used to harbor a lot of unforgiveness in my heart. On the outside, I hid it with my smiles and laughter. I was hurt by an immediate family member and the betrayal was so painful, it scarred me for a long time. I was so embarrassed by it, I kept it from friends who were close to me so they would not judge or look down on me. I felt everything I needed to live successfully was stripped from me. I tried to reach out to two family members but they were too busy picking up their lives or couldn't really help. To cope with my hopelessness, I turned my unforgiveness into anger as a coping mechanism to move on. I thought that as long as I kept the people who hurt me out of my life, as long as I used my own way to pick myself up and move on, I would be okay. Besides being a great escape from my pain, my anger made me strong. I shut out my vulnerabilities. In my heart I swore I'd never let anyone hurt me again. I even started rejecting God for allowing this circumstance to happen to me. I lied to myself that I wasn't hurt anymore. Ironically, it is possible to lie to everyone including oneself to a point that one is fooled enough to believe it. The truth is, on the outside, I looked strong but on the inside, my spirit was slowly dying.  Unbeknownst to me, what I thought made me stronger was slowly eating me up inside. It festered into bitterness, self righteousness and hate. My heart hardened as the years passed by and I grew colder and colder inside. I shut out anything and everyone who hurt  me. One day, over a decade later, I realized I could not cry! For a couple years, I tried every method I could but I could not even cry a drop! A red siren went off in my head that something was terribly wrong with me. Another turning point came when my brother said I'd become a cold person. Fifteen years of bitterness had turned me into someone I did not recognize anymore. And it all started with unforgiveness. When someone has operated in a certain way for a long time and then decides to change, change does not come easy. I hit a wall. No matter how hard I tried, I could not find meaning or fullness in my life. I decided to search for meaning in life again. 

It is when I decided to release my unforgiveness that my healing began. In desperation, I turned back to God and asked for help. I felt my heart begin to soften. He began an amazing inner surgery on me to change my attitude about life. It's humbling to receive the grace and mercy He afforded me despite how far I had strayed and the many, many 'Why's I asked all those years. I began accepting that I could not have life the way I wished- a certain way of living, a certain kind of family, etc. I started believing that there was a reason things happen the way they do and that no matter how I'd messed it up, that God is able to change it around for good. Ironically, it was when I decided to forgive, that I began to understand why the people who hurt me did what they did. It's wasn't about wanting to hear apologies from anyone. It was about releasing myself so that healing could enter my being. I eventually found peace again. Habits I felt could never be broken did. It was nothing short of a miracle to me.

Today, I can truely say that I've forgiven. But it took me years to get to a place of healing. The longer I allowed the anger and unforgiveness to live in me, the deeper my scars got and the longer it took to heal. God made each of us unique on our own ways with certain gifts. But one thing he did not create us to be was to be a judge of others and decide who is worth forgiving and who isn't. We were not made to harbor grudges, unforgiveness, vengeance or anger internally. It will silently fester inside until all you feel is emptiness. Then a desperate need to grasp at anything that will make you feel something, eventhough you know it's self destructive. Pastor Wayne said today, bitterness is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Getting hurt is a very real part of life. Sometimes, the methods we choose to make us stronger can actually hurt us even more. I did that. And it led me down a very dark path. My relationship with God lately has brought me through a journey which has miraculously restored love, relationships and friendships lost. I never imagined things could ever turn out the way it has. God's love is amazing. I am ever so grateful to rediscover a love greater than any I have and will ever know. 

I remember a song I used to sing as a teenager. It goes like this:

God will make a way when there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength for each new day

He will make a way

The bible says in Colossians 3:12-14:

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, humility, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you my have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Hula Dance

Today was the Spirit of Aloha Celebration at the church I've started going here called New Hope. It was a celebration of worship hula at the church. I've never seen a real hula dance before coming to Hawaii. Since I've arrived, I've learnt that hula still thrives today eventhough they were originally solemn and sacred prayers. Hula dancing competitions are held throughout the year and is  represented by teams from states all over the USA! It's a skill prized and appreciated as an extension of the Hawaiian culture in both the newer as well as the traditional story telling styles. I'm really beginning to enjoy watching it, especially the traditional story telling style with chants and gourd thumping called hula kahiko. It's is less melodic but hypnotizing to watch and listen to.  Today, I had the privilege to see hula being used to worship God through the singing and dancing. The dancers were made of all kinds of people - chinese, japanese, korean, hawaiian, etc. So cool to watch! Click on this link here to see the freeform dance at timecode 20:25. The traditional hula kahiko is at 55:15.

Separation

Today is the first time Elton's been apart from me since I arrived in Hawaii three months ago. I miss him. Eventhough I know he'll be flying back tonight, I already feel the voidness of his presence here on the same island with me. Yet I appreciate him so much more. The day seems so much enjoyable, doing things together. Eventhough sometimes, all we do is laze around doing absolutely nothing but sit in each other's arms and talk. 


Shakespeare once wrote, Parting is such sweet sorrow! It's true. It is possible to have too much of a good thing. We forget the good that we have and start to lose perspective. Sometimes, it's good for couples to be apart and be involved in other things. It makes the coming together so much sweeter. It deepens the longing to be together again. And the sharing that much more special. 

Arthritis

I’ve been experiencing a lot of pain the last year. It started with feeling a lot of aching around my hips and lower back. Sometimes, it was around my upper back. Then I also started to have it in the mid-back section. The last couple months I’ve been waking up with in agonizing pain in my hip, thighs, mid and lower back areas. In the mornings my hands and feet would be so swollen that it hurt. They would swell up until it hurt whenever I go for walks or exercise.

At first, I thought I was caused be over-strenuous activities in the yard, swinging 100lb picks and carrying rocks and bags too heavy for me. Not the type to sit around, I blamed it on age catching up on me and needing to slow down a little. So I’ve been easier on myself and leaving the heavy duty things for Elton to do. This week, my back is not as stiff and sore anymore. But my hands still swell up when I went for a walk. It was so agonizing I went online and did a little research on my symptoms a couple days ago. It looks like I may be in the beginning stages of arthritis. Yup. Arthritis in my thirties. Reading that one in three adults have it made me feel just a tad better. But it was a bitter pill to swallow, being someone who likes being on my feet. The bad news is, there is no cure for arthritis. The good news, keeping fit and exercising will help. Maintaining flexibility in my joints and strong muscles will keep my joints from getting aggravated. No sense in moping around I guess. On the brighter side, I'm more eager to get up and go for my morning exercise nowadays. Besides making me look better, I'll feel better. And that's worth a million bucks. 

Blooming garden

Since we planted our vegetable garden three weeks ago, the plants are finally starting to fruit. We've cooked the choi sum and found it was the sweetest and most tender choi sum we've ever tasted. By next month, we'll be eating tons of fresh produce from our garden. I can't wait for our tomatoes to ripen so I can start making my own spaghetti sauces, making sichuan eggplant with my filipino eggplants, stirfry greens and chilli okras. Yummy!

Mustard cabbage surrounded by smaller Bok Choi

Choi sum

Choi sum and other greens

Okra(ladies finger) peeking out 

Filipino eggplant

unripe Hawaiian oranges which will grow into a deep orange and three times bigger

Box Roma tomatoes turning red soon...I hope

unripe Beefsteak tomatoes which will be bigger than my palm once ripe

Aunty Lucy

We met up with three generations of women on Elton’s side of the family today to celebrate Mother’s Day. I gave each of the women in the family a present which I had brought with me from China. It is such a joy seeing the looks on their faces when they open their gifts. I’ve never been a big fan of gift giving. To be honest, I’m always uncomfortable about getting people gifts. I always worry too much whether they’d like it and the thought of getting something someone hates scares me so much I avoid it at all cost. So today, when thinking of something I can learn from, I realized the joy of giving. Sometimes, it’s not about the gift but the giving. Doesn’t matter how small or how big. It’s the thought that counts.

Then I thought of my Aunt Lucy. If there’s one person in my life who has taught me the joy of giving, she’s it. I call her Kuche Lucy. Kuche means younger aunt in Cantonese. She’s always giving somebody something, sometimes even to the point of frustrating family members because she gives more than she can afford. When I was a kid, she used to take me to the temples and give me pennies to throw into the bags of beggars sitting beside the pathway. In my teens, she taught me about being enterprising by encouraging me to sell book holders in school. The last time I saw her last January, she shared a little story that struck a deep chord with me.

She’s currently a member of her the community council at her neighborhood. Every year, the council decides to organize a special function for Christmas. In the past, they have always had some sort of party for the neighborhood. On three occasions, she’d suggested throwing a luncheon for the garbage truck collectors and on each occasion was struck down. Last year, she suggested it again. Frustrated with the idea of it, they finally agreed on the condition that she organized it herself. And that is exactly what she did. With no location to throw the party, she decided to ask the President of the community’s Chamber of Commerce if he would rent out a space at the local shop lot to throw a party for 10 garbage truck collectors who were all foreign workers from Myanmar, Thailand, Laos and Indonesia. He was so touched by the idea that he decided not only to let her use a large shoplot for free, he even volunteered a large contribution for her to arrange the catering! So she organized a big buffet for them and in her usual casual way, waited for the garbage collectors to come by the next week and told them to come for a meeting on the designated day. When they arrived on the day of the party, many of them were moved to tears. They thanked her with heartfelt words, telling her about the discrimination they sometimes faced living in Malaysia, how hard it was being separated from their families and living like invisible people in a foreign land. This Christmas, she shared the joy of being an equal in God's eyes.

If I ever have a daughter, I will name her Lucy. So each time I look at her, I will be reminded of Kuche Lucy’s kindness, her charity, her modesty, her humility, her boldness and her sensitivity to the things many people don’t see. Sometimes, it’s the simplest things in people that make them so special. 

Old friends

It's easy to have many friends but good friends are rare. And it seems to get harder to find them the older you are for some reason. Perhaps we're less open to new things later in life. I chatted with two old friends today on skype. They were totally unplanned calls. Sometimes, those are the best. Even if they're 10 minutes long. Even if we're on opposite sides of the planet. Old friends are comforting. The best part is just talking about everyday things in life. Nothing special. Just catching up on things and hearing about their life. Somehow, it's grounding. Problems seem smaller. It's like time never passed. Or even if it did, things are still ok. We move on and make the most of what life throws our way. And with a little help from above, everything will be alright. 

Lemonade Diet

Elton and I have been on the Lemonade diet or what is also called the Master Cleanser cleanse your intestinal tract. Since I was on the track of becoming a raw foodist earlier in the year, I've read two books that say that we should do a detoxification of our bodies about 4 times a year for about 10-14 days to clean out our intestines from all the junk that gets built up from all the food we eat. So when Elton suggested we try going on a 10 day lemonade diet, I eagerly said yes. I figured fad or not, a good detox is always good for the long run of my health. And did I forget to mention this is the first time I've ever dieted in my life? Yes, I love food that much.

the only utensils, cutlery and dishware we've used for the last 10 days

Basically, it's taking 6-10 8oz glasses of lemonade everyday. That's it. The lemonade recipe is 2 tablespoons of freshly squeezed lemon juice, 2 tablespoons of maple syrup and a dash of cayenne pepper. To maintain all its quality, the lemon juice must be freshly squeezed and not premixed or prepared earlier. More maple syrup can be added for those to want to maintain their weight. I drank a cup approximately every 2-3 hours. Elton had his with an extra tablespoon of maple syrup. There's also a whole process of coming off the diet so as ease our system back into eating cooked foods again or you could hurt your digestive system.

Our breakfast, brunch, lunch, tea, dinner and supper 'meal' for the last 10 days

The 'Lemonade diet' Master Cleanser

In addition to the diet, we had to take a laxative tea at night before bed and salt water mix of 2 teaspoon of non-iodized salt to a quart of water to flush out our system. That gave us both diarrhea and I must say that was the only real part of the liquid fast that we were not too fond of, especially after the 3rd day when there's really nothing else in our bodies but continuous liquid flushing through us. Not to mention feeling the pinch of the cayenne pepper spice coming out the other way each time!


I enjoyed the first few days of the fast and looked forward to every meal because I honestly thought it was delicious! It was nice not to have to think about what to cook for every meal and to spend all that time preparing the food or going somewhere to get food everyday. My days suddenly increase by about 3 hours more each day. I could do so much more with my time! In that sense, it was ironically freeing. After the 7th day, we both felt a deeper level of clarity somehow. It's hard to explain. We really began to see the real things we're addicted to and see through the actual things that bother us. Call it reaching higher self awareness or something. In retrospect, this diet would have benefited us more in a psychological sense had we planned to go beyond 10 days. Perhaps we will do that next time. It's pretty mind blowing.


The hardest day was perhaps the 7th day. Elton and I had a similar process. We started craving for something to munch on in the afternoon. It didn't matter if it was sweet or savory. We just really missed biting on food and chewing. Later that night, we decided perhaps we can continue living a better lifestyle by eating better like going vegetarian. But we didn't want to compromise tastiness in our food. So we started looking at Indian recipes we could learn to make. This is when we really started craving eating tasty food again. It was torture. But it wasn't because we were hungry! I know. Weird. Like I said, you learn things about yourself.


The most bizarre day was the 8th day when we just totally lost our liking for lemonade. Unlike the earlier days where we looked forward to our liquid breakfast, lunch and dinner, we lost our appetite for lemonade all together. It's a weird feeling to feel hungry but not have an appetite. Still, we plugged along with our lemonade every 2 or 3 hours to keep up with the detoxification.

Day 9 was very trying. We were both cranky and just wanted this fast to be over. Interesting enough, it wasn't because we were hungry. We just really missed eating! Having something in our mouths; biting into something instead of just drinking. And that put us in a bad mood. We discovered we were addicted to eating! It's not about wanting junk food, it's about wanting to enjoy the pleasures of tasting food. Mine was worse than Elton's. He helped me deal with it better by talking me through the fact that I was fighting my addiction to food! I'd never have known it if I never attempted this diet. The bizarre thing is that his craving for smoking this entire time had completely dissipated. This was in fact one of the advantages spoken about this diet. The fact that alcoholics, smokers and other addicts (soda, tea, coffee drinkers etc) will benefit from the chemical changes the body goes through on this diet as it cleanses. Thus the desire for unnatural types of stimulants and depressants disappears. 


Today is our last day and I have to say, I am so happy it's almost over. Over the last 10 days, I've lost 6lbs. That is nice but it wasn't really my main purpose for the diet. I wanted a good inner cleansing. Despite what critics may say, I swear I haven't felt tired or fatigued at all during the entire liquid fast. I can't even believe it myself. If anything, my energy level was heightened. I didn't feel what I call the 'food coma'  I usually suffer from after each meal. But more importantly, I have a new appreciation for the pure taste of foods in their most natural form. It's like my taste buds have gone through a refresh kick start. I've craved the pure taste of a boiled sweet potato. Or just to bite into a raw bell pepper and taste the sweet juices in its purest flavor when biting into a tomato. One thing I will not miss is the salt water purge. For the next three days, we have to eat only certain foods before we can eat normally again. Still, I'm looking forward to regular food again. Will definitely be doing this liquid diet again in a couple months though. It's an education in health. One of those things in life where you would rather not attempt but after that, you're glad you did and learnt so another life secret you never thought you would. I highly recommend getting this book if you're ready to do this diet: The Master Cleanser by Stanley Burroughs. 

Planting A Vegetable garden

I'm turning into a farmer girl the last month. Burying my nose in articles on pest control, invasive plants, planting techniques and harvesting timing. I seem to have discovered my love for cultivating fresh vegetables from my very own garden. 


For the past three weeks, we've been overhauling our entire yard to turn it into a vegetable and fruit garden which hasn't been kept for the past 2 years or so. In the process, besides discovering how tiring gardening can be, I'm learning so much about how long it takes for veggies to mature(about 3-5 weeks), which bugs are predatory and which are actually helpful for the plant, . Yet, it's really fulfilling to see it coming together. It's involved pulling out weeds, cutting the grass, cutting down two massive palm trees which really almost broke our backs because the root was so thick and expansive. Then went out and got a bunch of wood for Elton to build a planter box to plant our veggies in.


For now, I've planted a bunch of bok choi, pak choi, choi sum, bell peppers, cabbage, green bean,  bitter mellon, tomatoes, snowpeas, eggplant, zucchini, squash, cucumber, chili and I even have a herb patch where I've planted rosemary, thyme, sweet basil, thai basil, oregano, peppermint, spearmint, dill, chives and lavender. We also have some fruit trees like papaya, lemon and lime. I cannot wait for them to mature so we can eat from our garden.

My herb patch with mint, peppermint, thyme, rosemary, parsley, basil, lavender, dill and sage. 

our nursery of seedlings before planting in the ground

zucchini plants

bittermelon

mustard cabbage

beefsteak tomato vine

sweet potato

purple eggplant

Thai basil