Pregnant

Today, Elton and I confirmed we were going to have our very first child. The two hour long doctor's visit was comforting but one thing that echoed in my head was the doctor telling me that getting pregnant at this age was itself a miracle. Honestly, I've never craved to be a mother like many of my female friends who had craved for marriage and children since their early 20s. Actually, I had so many issues with my mother during my childhood that I was terrified of it. Worried that I would turn into my own mother with my children, it haunted me for many years. When people asked me, I'd say that I just didn't feel a personal need to contribute to the worldwide crisis of over-population. It made people laugh but more importantly, they stopped asking. Afterall, it was a valid reason. 


I'd kept the news to myself for the last two weeks, only confiding in a handful of close friends who congratulated me, telling me how blessed I am to have such an amazing miracle at my age. I am after all, almost fourty. I'm lucky to have any fertile eggs left for the past ten years! Added to that cynicism was the fact that I have been surrounded by family as well as close friends who have had a hard time conceiving for years. Some have been trying unsuccessfully for decades! I worried that I was too old to carry a child, among many other fears. It's funny that something that should bring so much joy to me, in fact, brought me the most trepidation. At least for the first two weeks. the worst thing was reading the pregnancy books I had bought to educate myself for the task at hand. Instead of the increased awareness making me celebrate my pregnancy, all they talked about were pains and discomfort I would soon feel, diseases that I should be aware of, complications that may develop, mood swings and bleeding. I might as well have watched Salem's Lot ( which gave me nightmares for years when I was 12!), then read the top 10 horror books ever published. Thankfully, I have a wonderful friend who redirected my anxiety. She sent me a book that made me thankful for this miracle. I felt humbled to be given this privilege and it filled me with immense comfort, joy, hope and gratefulness. They say miracles happen every day. For me, this was one of them.


The biggest surprise however, was sharing the news with my parents and family members. Now I finally understand the term, 'bundle of joy'. It amazes me how the news of a little one, the addition of another member to the family clan who isn't even born yet, can invoke such joy and excitement among family members. It's a simply marvelous to see other family members share and take pride in someone whom they haven't even met! It's a bond that is as thick as blood. I have a funny feeling this is just the beginning of many miracles to come. No doubt in my mind that it's just the start of a lot of big changes...and challenges. Hopefully, we'll both rise to the occasion.